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Fred Blown Away by The Expendables!

Published August 12, 2010 in Movie Reviews
By Ryan Parsons | Image property of Lionsgate
The Expendables Poster The Expendables Poster
The Expendables is more than I could have ever hoped. It’s the movie Sylvester Stallone was born to make. It’s like he saved all his awesome for this. That’s almost 40 years of awesome. I loved every crazy action scene, and when the bad guy recaps what just happened, it’s even better.

Review: The Expendables

It’s like being in Stallone’s head watching his stream of consciousness manifest. It blatantly revels on bodies, male and female, tattoos and other superficial qualities to fetishize. Guys speak meaningless lines just to have lines at all. They’re commenting on each other and their behavior. They’re all showing off blatantly one dimensional characters.

He’s playing with all the clichés in their broadest most awkward form. Is Stallone working out his actual relationship issues when he and the guys talk about girls? If so, that’s awesome. The point is he’s too old for this sh*t as they say, and there’s a lot of eye rolling. This is what happens when bravado is left unattended for a few decades.

That monumental scene with Sly, Arnold and Bruce is already worth it all. They’re roasting each other and Stallone gives both his cohorts grand entrances. The only thing better would be if they all started flexing and had a pose off.

So I guess Stallone’s thing now is total gratuitous violence. The first shot fired in the movie is so extreme, it’s like screw it, let’s just go nuts. The mix and match action scenes combine two icons’ styles. Stallone and Statham fighting together is both brutal and nuanced. A Stallone car chase gives way to a fast Jet Li wushu battle. There’s UFC vs. WWE. Stallone shakes the camera too but not as badly as the modern guys.

Everyone does get a moment. Stallone and Statham get two or three each but they deserve it. Everyone does have a role. Even as generic archetypes, that’s a lot of archetypes to fit in one story but the story justifies the cast.

They take care of business at home too. That’s even more awesome and there’s a lot more action in America in urban settings than I knew there’d be. It’s not all jungle, but it’s just as crazy. It’s got the best finale of any summer movie. I f***in’ loved it!
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Ryan Parsons
Sources: Image property of Lionsgate

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