Race is Coming, Time for Some Political Jokes!
By Ryan Parsons | The jokes were included in emails that have come across my inbox.
My liberal buddy Colin recently sent me a joke that
laughs at the conservative side. Being a gentleman, my only response was
to throw some anti-liberal jokes his direction. Now, everyone seems to be
getting in on the craze so...... let the battle ensue!
Fly it high, Fly it proud
Here are a few political jokes crossed between our emails. Also, if you
take these jokes seriously or read into them too much, you might as well
close the page.
The One About the Conservative in the Baloon
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude
and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me,
can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I
don't know where I am." The man consulted his portable GPS and replied,
"You're in a hot air balloon approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation
of 2346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north
latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."
She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Democrat."
"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me
is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information,
and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."
The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Republican."
"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where
you're going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of
hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect
me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in
before we met but, somehow,now it's my fault."
Pretty good joke, being that I had to respond to this, I went over the top.
Quotes from Late Night Talk Shows
John Kerry says the 'W' in George W. Bush stands for 'Wrong.' But he
still can't explain what John Kerry stands for.
This is so weird. I saw the new John Kerry campaign commercial and he
says, 'I'm John Kerry and I approve of this message — if I have one.'
The White House began airing their TV commercials to reelect the president,
and the John Kerry campaign is condemning his use of 9/11 in the ads. He
said it is unconscionable to use the tragic memory of a war in order to
get elected, unless of course, it's the Vietnam War.
In his speech last night, John Kerry said this was the beginning of
the end of the Bush administration. I agree. Sure, it may take another five
years, but this is it. -Jay Leno
The One About the Democrat, the Republican, and the Homeless
A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came
to a homeless person. The Republican gave the homeless person his business
card and told him to come to his business for a job. He then took twenty
dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person.
The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless
person, he decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave
him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the Republican's
pocket and gave the homeless person fifty dollars.
Now you understand the difference between Republicans and Democrats
Pretty Ruthless, but I had to add another
The One About the Republican Student and the Teacher
A first grade teacher is explaining to her class that she is a Democrat
and how she supports Kerry. She asks her students to raise their hands if
they, too, support Kerry for the upcoming election. Everyone in class raises
their hands except one boy. "John," says the teacher with surprise,
"why didn't you raise your hand?" Because I support Bush,"
says John. The teacher cannot believe her ears. "My goodness, John,
why do you support Bush?" she asks. "Well, my momma and papa support
Bush, so I support Bush, too." "Well," says the teacher in
an annoyed tone, "what if I said that your parents are idiots!"
John smiled. "I guess that would make them Kerry supporters."
HA! My buddy Brad had to chime in and do a follow up
Brad Inserts a Joke:
Before the 2001 inauguration of George Bush, he was invited to a get acquainted
tour of the White House. After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he
asked Bill Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom.
When he entered Clinton's private toilet, he was astonished to see that
President Clinton had a solid gold urinal. That afternoon, George told his
wife, Laura, about the urinal. "Just think," he said, "when
I am president, I could have a gold urinal too. But I wouldn't do something
Later, when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House,
she told Hillary how impressed George had been at his discovery of the fact
that, in the President's private bathroom, the President had a gold urinal.
That evening, when Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed, Hillary
smiled, and said to Bill, "I found out who pissed in your saxophone."
Good times guys, I am going to search for new ones and take you all down
Sources: The jokes were included in emails that have come across my inbox.
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> Race is Coming, Time for Some Political Jokes!